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NOTE: This week, just like last week, as we prepare for Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday, i want us to look at the events leading up to those days through the eyes of the second of two of Jesus’s disciples. But in so doing, i want us to see how the sin they both harbored in their hearts kept them from seeing the truth of God in those events.
Too often, the sin we harbor in our hearts keeps us from seeing God’s truth. Instead of confessing our sin, we justify it, and thus we fall headlong down the slippery slope. This week let’s see if we can learn from the second of the two men who despite his personal walk with Jesus became blinded to truth. And let’s see if we can learn from him.
Though elements of the story you are about to read are fictionalized, the ultimate truth it reveals is very real!
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My name is Thomas and I have a twin sister, Gabriella. She and I grew up in the town of Capernaum, along the shore of the Sea of Galilee. Our father was a fisherman, so it will not surprise you to learn that I also grew up to become one, and my sister became the wife of a fisherman. As a matter of fact, you are well acquainted with my brother-in-law – Simon Peter, another apostle of Jesus.
After my father died, I went to work with my brother-in-law and his partner Zebedee. Gratefully, my wages enabled me to provide for my widowed mother, as well as my own meager needs. I was one of the fishermen who remained with Simon and Zebedee while Andrew and John left to follow the baptizer. And I continued to remain with them when Philip and Bartholomew also left to join Andrew and John in following Jesus.
But I will never forget the day that Jesus told Simon to take his boat back out from the shore and cast his nets. I had been working alongside him on the boat throughout the night. We had nothing to show for our labor. We had called it a night and had finished mending and cleaning our nets when Jesus gave Simon those instructions. I was in the boat with him when suddenly the nets became weighed down with fish. We both thought the catch was going to sink the boat. I’ve heard it said that seeing is believing, and I truly believed that day!
When Simon Peter and James announced that they, too, were leaving to follow Jesus, my heart was already compelling me to do the same. Gabriella had decided that she and her daughters would be moving to Capernaum to live with our mother. Simon and Zebedee assured me my mother would be well cared for. There was nothing to prevent me from being obedient to what my heart was telling me to do. I got out of the boat and followed Jesus that day – not so much by faith, but with a confidence that the details had already been worked out.
In the weeks and months that followed, I saw Jesus perform one miracle after another. I saw people who had never before seen receive their sight and people who had never before heard receive their hearing. But there was one night in particular that stands out for me above the rest.
We were in a boat crossing the sea when a storm came up. Peter called out to me, “Go wake up Jesus, and tell Him that we’re about to sink in this storm. We need Him to help bail water!” I made my way to where Jesus was sleeping soundly despite the storm. I reached down and shook Him awake saying, “Teacher, don’t You care that we’re going to drown?”(1)
As Jesus opened His eyes, He looked at me and saw the fear on my face. He looked at the waves crashing over the sides of the boat as He stood up. I reached to hand Him a bucket so He could help bail water, when suddenly He said with a booming voice, “Silence! Be still!”(2)
At first, I thought He was speaking to me! But suddenly the wind stopped, and the waves calmed. We all stood there with our mouths open in awe and disbelief. Jesus looked at us and said, “Why are you afraid? Have you been with Me all of this time, but still have no faith?”(3)
I heard my friend Bartholomew softly say what all of us were thinking: “Who is this Man that even the wind and waves obey Him!”(4)
Jesus lay back down and slept the rest of our journey. I don’t think any of us spoke another word until we arrived at the shore. I know I didn’t. I continued to marvel at what I had just seen!
But even that paled to what we witnessed a few months ago. We were wintering in Bethabara when we received news that Jesus’s friend Lazarus was sick. We had been avoiding travel to Judea because we knew the religious leaders were plotting against Jesus. So, we were glad to hear that He did not intend to travel to Bethany. Or so it appeared, until two days later when He announced that Lazarus was dead, and now He intended to travel there.
That did not make sense to any of us. And why had He said, “For your sakes, I’m glad I wasn’t there?”(5) He was going to go to Bethany. Lazarus was already dead, so He wouldn’t be able to help him. And He would be walking into the lair of those who were plotting to do Him harm. There was nothing good about this plan.
In case you haven’t realized it yet, I am the pragmatist in this group. A situation has to make sense to me before I will act. And this didn’t make sense! But, I am also a follower of Jesus. I truly love Him with all of my heart. When I chose to follow Him that day on the shore, it was with all of my being. If the storm comes up and the boat sinks, I am prepared to die with Jesus. If the religious leaders send their guards to arrest Him, I will go to prison with Him. If He places Himself in harm’s way, I will be there with Him, right by His side. So, that day, I said to the rest of the disciples, “Let’s go, too – and die with Jesus.”(6)
You’ve heard about the miracle. You know what happened. In obedience to Jesus’s command, Lazarus walked out of the tomb that day. No one died as I had feared. Rather, the dead came to life! I don’t know if I would have believed it if I hadn’t seen it. But I saw it with my own eyes!
A few weeks ago, the night before Jesus was arrested, we could tell He was trying to prepare us for something. We had no idea what it was, but we all felt uneasy. He kept saying that He was going away. Our minds were preoccupied with the thought that Jesus was about to establish His kingdom. With His triumphal entry into Jerusalem four days earlier and His cleansing of the temple the next day, we were certain the time had come. He was going to take the Messiah’s rightful place on His throne, and we – His trusted companions – would join Him as leaders in His kingdom. But now He was talking about going away! Why would He do that? It didn’t make sense to any of us!
As usual, Jesus knew exactly what we were thinking. He said, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in Me. There is more than enough room in My Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with Me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going.”(7)
I looked around the room and everyone seemed befuddled. Jesus wasn’t making any sense, so I spoke up. “No, we don’t know, Lord. We have no idea where You are going, so how can we know the way?”(8)
Jesus answered me, saying, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through Me.”(9)
I’d like to tell you that Jesus’s response made everything clear for us – but at the time, it did not! It made us even more confused. He was talking about going when we thought He was going to stay. At that moment, we had all become somewhat pragmatic, and we wanted to know what practical steps He was going to take to establish His government. But instead, He was telling us spiritual truths that we could not comprehend. Only later, would we realize He was preparing us for the events that would begin to unfold that very night.
By the time we arrived at the Garden of Gethsemane, we were mentally and emotionally exhausted. Even though Jesus asked us to stay awake and pray, we all immediately fell asleep … until our greatest fear came to fruition. They came to arrest Jesus! One by one we awoke as the mob came upon us – soldiers with their spears, servants with their clubs, and Judas leading them all.
I saw the other disciples begin to scatter, and soon I was following them. I was almost paralyzed with fear, just like that night in the storm. We were all going to die! And now they had arrested Jesus, so He couldn’t help us. I was the one who had said, “Let’s go – and die with Jesus.”(10) And now when I was faced with that possibility, I was running away. I thought I loved Him with my whole heart, but I was abandoning Him! Peter and John took off in one direction, the rest of us headed for Bethany.
When we got to Lazarus’s home, I stayed by myself. I could not face anyone. As the day continued, the news kept getting worse. By nightfall, we learned that Jesus was dead. His body had been laid in a tomb. Jesus had always turned defeat into victory, but now He had been defeated – or so it seemed.
Was this what He was trying to prepare us for the other night in the upper room? Somehow, the words I remembered Him saying were not comforting my troubled heart. Jesus was dead. I had abandoned Him. And all of my hopes had been dashed.
For the next two days, I hid out in an isolated place in one of Lazarus’s vineyards. I needed to think about what to do. Where would I go? What would I do? I had never believed this could happen. I was drowning in my own self-pity, and it was driving me away from everyone else.
On Sunday, I heard excited voices. Some of the women were saying Jesus had risen from the grave. He had spoken to them – or so they said. We were all to meet at sunset in the upper room. I could not bring myself to go. I could not face the others. I knew they, too, had scattered, but my shame had become all consuming. I did not truly believe Jesus had risen from the grave; but if He had, I could not face Him. My shame crippled me, and I stayed hidden in the vineyard.
The next day, my brother-in-law Peter came looking for me. He told me that Jesus had appeared to them all in the upper room. He was alive! Peter went on to explain how Jesus had appeared to just him earlier in the day. He said Jesus had forgiven him. Peter had run away like the rest of us on the night of His arrest, but he had been so afraid he also denied even knowing Jesus. And yet Jesus had embraced him and forgiven him. “He’s forgiven you, as well,” Peter added. “He’s forgiven us all!”
Part of me wanted to believe Peter. I wanted to believe Jesus was alive. I wanted to be forgiven. I’m not sure if it was shame or denial that refused to accept his word that Jesus was alive. But I said, “I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in His hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in His side.”(11)
Sadly, my shame and skepticism robbed me from experiencing the joy of seeing Jesus for eight more days. It wasn’t until the following week, when this time I was present with my fellow disciples, when Jesus stood before us.
Jesus declared, “Peace be with you,”(12) followed by a rebuke directed at me. It was a truth I needed to hear – and one I would finally embrace from that day forward. He said, “Don’t believe simply because you see; believe because of Who I am and what I have said!”(13)
Later that evening Jesus told us to make our way to Capernaum and wait for Him there. It would give many of us an opportunity to see our families. After we had been there for a day, Peter decided we needed to go fishing. He enlisted the other fishermen in our group to join him – Andrew, Philip, Nathanael, the brothers James and John, and me. We had all grown up on the sea and fishing was “in our blood,” so we were easily persuaded. We would fish all night, then rest throughout the day. The rest of our group slept each night and found other ways to pass the time in the village each day.
One morning, we had been out on the sea all night with no success. Suddenly, a Man on the shore called to us and told us to throw out our net on the righthand side of the boat one more time. Even though we didn’t have any idea who He was, something told us to obey. As we did, the fish struck the net, just like they had that day in Bethsaida when Jesus told Peter to do the same thing. Suddenly, we all realized who the Man was, prompting John to exclaim, “It’s the Lord!”(14)
Peter jumped into the water and made his way to Jesus. The rest of us brought in the fish then sailed for shore. When we reached Jesus, He was already cooking some bread and fish over a charcoal fire. He told us to bring some of the fish we had caught and add it to the rest. He was preparing breakfast for us. Soon, all of us were gathered there with Him around the fire.
Jesus was getting us ready to go out into the world and share His Gospel message, making disciples who would in turn make other disciples. He even used breakfast that morning to illustrate the point. We were like the fish He had already prepared on the fire. He had called us and taught us, but now there would be others who would be added through the work He would do through us – just like the fish we now added to the fire. He would show us where to cast the net; we would pull it in.
After breakfast, Jesus turned to Peter and asked him, “Peter, do you love Me more than these?(15) Do you love Me above all others? Do you love Me in a way that causes your love for everyone else to pale in comparison?”
I could tell Jesus’s question caught Peter off guard. He hastily replied, “Of course, I love You, Jesus. How could You think otherwise?”
But then Jesus asked him a second time. This time his response was in greater earnest, wanting to leave no doubt of his love for Jesus. When Jesus asked him a third time, it was obvious Peter was deeply wounded by the question.
“Lord, You know everything. You know that I love You,”(16) Peter replied.
Peter wanted to assure Jesus he loved Him with all of his heart, soul, and mind. But why did Jesus keep asking the same question? And then it dawned on me – we all knew Peter had denied Jesus three times on the night of His arrest. Though Jesus had already forgiven Peter, He was now restoring him to his position of leadership among us.
In many ways, this conversation was for our benefit. Peter was confessing His love, and Jesus was confirming Peter’s responsibility as “the rock.” Jesus was asking Peter to confirm his love once for each time he had denied Him. Jesus knew we all needed to hear Peter confess his love that way.
In response to each of Peter’s answers, Jesus replied: “Feed My lambs,” “Take care of My sheep,” and “Feed My sheep.”(17) Jesus was not only publicly restoring Peter to his apostleship and leadership, He was reminding each of us to be not only fishers of men, but also shepherds of His sheep – caring for them, protecting them, and nurturing them.
Then He turned His attention to all of us, telling us we each have a path He has laid out for us to follow. We are to keep “our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish.”(18) He cautioned us not to be distracted by the people who surround us or the events unfolding around us. We are to persevere to the finish.
Jesus lingered that day and spent time with each one of us personally, just as He had done with Peter. It was afternoon when He invited me to walk with Him along the shore. “Thomas,” He said, “the Father gave each of you to Me. Each of you – except Judas – has repented of your sin and each of you belongs to Me, and all who are Mine belong to the Father.
“I am now preparing to go, but I will send My Spirit to empower you, guide you, and direct you in all truth. For a time, I will not be with you physically, but I will never leave you nor forsake you. Use the practical mind the Father has given you to nurture My sheep in the way they should go as they follow Me and obey My commands. But never forget to hold onto My truth even when you can’t yet see it. Trust me and follow Me in all that I have shown you.”
Later that evening, Jesus departed. A short while later we were gathered in Bethany, just as He had instructed us. It had been forty days since He had risen from the grave. One hundred twenty of us were gathered on the hill that day. As the One who stood before me began to rise into the clouds, I knew I would see Him again … because believing is seeing!
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As a reminder, this is a fictional depiction of true events. The explanation i have given for Thomas’s absence from the upper room the night of Jesus’s resurrection may or may not be correct. i find it hard to believe he had another engagement – or something more important to do. Thus i believe it was guilt and shame that kept him away. Guilt and shame – and faithlessness – can have a debilitating effect on our lives as well. We, too, must confess them and receive forgiveness from Jesus!
Parts of this story line are taken from the Gospels according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, however, certain fictional events or depictions of those events have been added.
This story is excerpted from my book The One Who Stood Before Us, a collection of forty short stories. The complete collection is available through Amazon in standard print, large print, for your e-reader. Click HERE for more information on how you can obtain your copy.
You can listen to an audio recording of this story by tuning into this week’s episode of my podcast by CLICKING HERE
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In multiple instances the dialogue in this story comes directly from Scripture. Whenever i am quoting Scripture, it has been italicized. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
(1) Mark 4:38
(2) Mark 4:39
(3) Mark 4:40
(4) Mark 4:41
(5) John 11:14
(6) John 11:16
(7) John 14:1-4
(8) John 14:5
(9) John 14:6
(10) John 11:16
(11) John 20:25
(12) John 20:26
(13) John 20:29 (paraphrase)
(14) John 21:7
(15) John 21:15
(16) John 21:17
(17) John 21:15-17
(18) Hebrews 13:20-21 (ESV)
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