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NOTE: This week and next, as we prepare for Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday, i want us to look at the events leading up to those days through the eyes of two of Jesus’s disciples. But in so doing, i want us to see how the sin they both harbored in their hearts kept them from seeing the truth of God in those events.

Too often, the sin we harbor in our hearts keeps us from seeing God’s truth. Instead of confessing our sin, we justify it, and thus we fall headlong down the slippery slope. Let’s see if we can learn from two men who despite their personal walk with Jesus became blinded to truth. And let’s see if we can learn from them.

Though elements of the story you are about to read are fictionalized, the ultimate truth it reveals is very real!

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My name is Judas and I grew up in the village of Kerioth, about ten miles south of Hebron in Judea. You have often heard me referred to as Judas Iscariot because the word “Iscariot” means “man of Kerioth.”

My father grew up as the eldest son of a poor man who worked in the fields of a wealthy landowner outside of Hebron. My father became a hired hand for that same landowner and worked for him well into adulthood. But he desired more for himself and more for his young son.

When I was still a boy, the Romans announced an opportunity for people to settle in the uninhabited lands of southern Judea. The Romans wanted those areas populated in order to better secure the eastern frontier of their empire. As an inducement, settlers were promised ownership of their own land. My father seized that opportunity and led our family from Hebron to Kerioth to join in the eastern expansion. He could finally own a piece of land where he could raise his own crops.

Life was hard there. There was a reason the land had been uninhabited for so long. It was a desert with minimal rainfall and no rivers or streams nearby. We prayed each year for enough rain to keep our wells from running dry and our crops irrigated. But some years the rain didn’t come, and those years we had little to show for our efforts.

Though my father had been “given” the land, the Roman authorities failed to tell him we must pay an annual tax on the land. And that tax was due whether his crop was plentiful or not. My father’s dreams of achieving his own success became swallowed up by one hardship after another.

But my father never stopped encouraging me to dream and pursue my ambitions. He told me not to settle for what I had but always reach for more. He had worked in the fields since he was a child, so he had a very limited education. My mother, on the other hand, had always been an avid learner. She passed along her hunger for learning to me, and my father passed along his ambition.

When I was fifteen, my mother died from complete exhaustion. Both she and my father had aged twenty years in the five years we had lived in Kerioth. Five years after my mother passed, I witnessed my father’s death as the pressures of paying his unpaid taxes took a toll on his already weak heart. I blamed the Roman occupation for both of my parents’ deaths, and I vowed I would do everything in my power to see their oppression brought to an end.

There was nothing left to keep me in Kerioth. The day after I buried my father, I set out to pursue my own ambitions. I eventually made my way to Tiberias. I decided I would join up with the growing movement of zealots seeking to cast off the chains of our Roman oppressors.

Over time, I realized the zealot movement lacked cohesive leadership. They had recently attempted to overtake a group of Roman soldiers who were transporting taxes to Caesarea. Unfortunately, the mission failed miserably and most of the raiding party was killed, including one of the main zealot leaders. When I heard about the disastrous results, I knew the current leadership did not have the foresight or the leadership to oppose the tyranny of the Roman regime. I needed to look elsewhere if I hoped to see Roman oppression brought to an end.

I had heard rumors of a baptizer at the Jordan River who was preaching about the promised Messiah. The prophets had said the Messiah would deliver our people and establish His kingdom. That was a plan and someone I could follow, if the baptizer was correct.

I was told I would find the baptizer, whose name was John, in Aenon, so I purposefully made my way there. It had been several weeks, and I kept hearing the baptizer refer to a Man called Jesus. According to John, this Jesus was the promised One. I learned that He and His followers were traveling through Galilee, so I decided to head back north and find Him.

I eventually found Jesus on the shore of the Sea of Galilee at Bethsaida. He was in a boat just offshore teaching a large crowd that had gathered. When He was done teaching, Jesus instructed the fishermen to cast their nets. When they did, their nets, and very soon their boats, were filled with fish to overflowing. The crowd around me gasped. I heard them talking about lepers whom Jesus had healed, and the lame who could now walk, the blind who could now see, and the deaf who could hear. This Man was able to perform miracles! I could follow such a Man!

I knew this Jesus was different from anyone I had ever seen or heard. He taught with great authority. Here was a Teacher! When He directed the fishermen to take their boats back out, they had obeyed without question. Here was a leader of men! This Man could lead our people to overthrow the oppression of Rome.

And if He was the promised One, His closest followers would become the leaders in His kingdom. Then and there, I made the decision to do whatever was needed to become one of His closest followers. As Jesus and His disciples began to walk along the shore, I joined the crowd following Him. 

I began looking for every opportunity to make myself known to Jesus. I looked for ways to get close to Him and His closest followers. I knew that in order to become a leader, they must first see me as a servant. So, I became a servant to all. I watched for a need to arise, then promptly went about meeting it. I quickly became known as the one to turn to if you needed anything done. Gradually, I began to earn their trust.

Peter, who was becoming the leader of the smaller circle of disciples around Jesus, started drawing me into that inner circle. Jesus began to take notice of me. Soon, He called me by name. As the days continued, I began to notice He was treating me differently from the others. There was something keeping me at a distance, but I didn’t know what it was. Perhaps Jesus was waiting to see what I could do for Him as one of His followers … and one of His future leaders!

Several days later, after Jesus healed a paralytic man who had been lowered through the roof of the synagogue, we departed from the village of Capernaum. On our way out of town, we passed a tax collector sitting in his collection booth on the side of the road. He was collecting taxes from anyone bringing goods to sell into the village, as well as from those who had made a purchase and were taking goods out of the village. I quickly noticed he was having a very profitable day. Jesus stopped directly in front of him, turned and said, “Matthew, follow Me and be My disciple!”(1)

Peter and James looked at one another and James said, “Doesn’t Jesus know what this man does for a living? There isn’t anyone lower than a tax collector! Why would Jesus invite him to become one of us?” But they – and I – were even more surprised when Matthew immediately got up, left everything, and joined us. I was wary of this new addition. I had already set my eye on becoming treasurer of this group, and I did not want that honor to fall to this tax collector!

But I was relieved when soon after that Jesus called all of us together and announced He had chosen twelve of us to be His apostles. I listened intently as He called out the names. It was no surprise that Peter, Andrew, James the son of Zebedee, and John were the first named. They had a unique relationship with Jesus, and I would have been greatly surprised if those four fishermen were not a part of this group.

He continued to call out the other names – “Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, and Matthew.”(2) Matthew? How could Jesus choose that tax collector over me? I began to quietly seethe. Was Jesus not going to choose me?

Jesus continued, “James the son of Clopas, and Thaddeus.”(3) They, too, were to be expected. After all, they were Jesus’s cousins. That was ten; only two names to go!

The next name Jesus called was Simon. The other apostles called him the zealot to distinguish him from Simon Peter. Obviously, Jesus had chosen him because he had been a revolutionary. But why hadn’t Jesus chosen me? There was only one name left!

“And Judas Iscariot,”(4) Jesus said to complete His list of apostles. Jesus had chosen me! I could barely contain my excitement. There for a moment, I thought He was going to overlook me. I was afraid that all of my hard work and effort had yielded no results – just like my father. But when Jesus said my name, I felt a rush of relief and accomplishment course through my veins. My work had paid off! I was now in the inner circle! I would continue to show my worth to Jesus as one of His trusted lieutenants. When Jesus had called my name, I had to suppress the big smile that tried to spread across my face. I had to receive this good news with humility. It took all I had to look humble!

My second pleasant surprise was just a few days later when the inner circle chose me as treasurer. Even Matthew had surprisingly voted for me. Again, it was all I could do to react with grace and humility. “Each of you is so much more qualified to assume this responsibility than I am,” I said. “But I will bow to your wishes and endeavor to prove worthy of your trust.”

Watching over the treasury would be an important leadership role with this group, but it would become an even greater role when Jesus established His kingdom. Everything was going according to my plan! And I didn’t mind having the treasury at my disposal when I needed a coin or two!

As the months continued, I kept watching for Jesus to make His move and declare Himself as the Messiah. I could not imagine why He had not already established His kingdom. There had been many perfect opportunities for Him to do so. He was attracting larger crowds every day.

As a matter of fact, He had recently taken a young boy’s sack lunch and fed a crowd I estimated to be fifteen thousand people. When everyone had eaten their fill, the other apostles and I collected twelve full baskets of leftover food! The crowd had begun to clamor for Jesus to be their King. They had witnessed what Jesus could do, and they wanted Him to rule so they would never have to work for food again.

It was clear they were preparing to force Jesus to declare Himself as King. I could not contain my excitement as I watched the reaction of the crowd. Now was the moment when Jesus would be raised to His rightful position as Messiah.

But instead of embracing the will of the people, Jesus told us to get into the fishing boat and cross to the other side of the lake. He would meet us there. He then slipped away quietly into the hills to escape the crowd. Another moment had come … and gone!

But the ultimate moment occurred just a few weeks ago. Jesus’s close friend, Lazarus, had died while we were in Bethabara. When He heard the news, Jesus delayed traveling to Bethany to console Lazarus’s sisters, or so we thought. He kept telling us we were going to witness His glory, but we didn’t know what that meant. Yes, we had previously witnessed Him raise two people from the dead on the day they died. But the body of Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. His body would have begun to decompose. What glory is in that?

After we arrived in Bethany, Jesus told the crowd that was gathered to roll away the stone. Then He had shouted, “Lazarus, come out!”(5) Lo and behold, Lazarus came walking out of that tomb! The crowd stood there in awe! Peter, James, and John lifted their outstretched arms in praise and worship as tears streamed down their cheeks. They fell to their knees in adoration before Jesus. Andrew and Phillip removed their sandals as they lay prostrate before Jesus. The rest of the apostles, except me, lifted their voices and began to sing “Holy, Holy, Holy” as they, too, fell to their knees before Him. Martha and Mary ran to their brother to embrace him, then together they all knelt at the feet of Jesus.

I couldn’t refrain from smiling as I thought to myself, “Finally Jesus will take His rightful place on the throne. All that I have waited for will now occur. Having performed this miracle, there is nothing to stop Jesus from establishing His kingdom!”

In the days that followed, people throughout the provinces heard what Jesus had done. They were ready to crown Him King. The religious leaders were frightened of Him. They knew their days of power were over. I knew that our Roman and Herodian leaders had only a few thousand soldiers at their disposal. They would easily be overthrown when all of our people rose up behind Jesus. And after what I had just seen, I knew that even Rome with all of its military power and might would be forced to bow before Jesus!

But the weeks continued to pass, and Jesus still hadn’t made His move! Seven weeks had gone by without Jesus taking a solitary step toward assuming His rightful throne. Tonight, we had dinner with Lazarus and his family. As we began to eat, Lazarus’s sister Miriam slipped into the room carrying a beautiful alabaster jar. Quietly, she knelt beside Jesus’s feet and opened the jar. She began to anoint His head and His feet – wasting that expensive perfume! Jesus continued to eat without acknowledging her. The rest of us remained silent as we watched.

Suddenly, I couldn’t take it anymore and had to speak up. “That perfume was worth a year’s wages. It should have been sold and the money given to the poor.”(6) A few of the other disciples nodded in agreement and joined me in scolding Miriam for what she had done.

Then Jesus spoke up and told us to leave her alone. “Wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be remembered and discussed.”(7)

I was seething. Jesus’s rebuke made me look foolish in front of the others. I had faithfully followed Him for almost three years. Sure, I had helped myself to a few coins from the treasury here and there, but that wasn’t my problem with what Miriam had done! The money we could have received for this perfume was nothing compared to the big treasure that awaited us when Jesus establishes His government. Why is Jesus wasting His time sitting at this table, when He could be sitting on His rightful throne in Jerusalem? This young woman’s expression is nothing compared to what the masses would do if Jesus stepped up and assumed His rightful position as King.

I decided I could no longer rely on Jesus to do what needed to be done. Someone needed to force His hand. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind that perhaps that was exactly what Jesus was waiting for. Perhaps He was waiting for one of us to step forward and take the initiative. Jesus had specifically selected each one of us to be His apostles. Had He selected me for just this purpose? Had nothing yet occurred because I hadn’t taken the initiative? Is that why Jesus had kept me at more of a distance than the other apostles?

At that moment, I knew what I needed to do. I would help Jesus take the steps He needed to take. Jesus would be grateful to me! Perhaps that was why Jesus had rebuked me tonight – not because of what I said, but because Jesus was frustrated that I had not already acted.

The high priest and the rest of the high council were obviously plotting to kill Jesus. But they seemed to be incapable of executing a plan. They lacked proper leadership – just like the zealots. Jesus had probably frustrated their effort while He waited on me to step forward. That made perfect sense! No one was able to take the next step until I did.

This is my moment! After we arrive in Jerusalem tomorrow, I will find time to slip away and talk to the high priest. Jesus will know what I am doing. He is counting on me to work out the details. I will help the religious leaders arrest Jesus. I will arrange the best time and place so the crowd won’t interfere. Then when the religious leaders make their move, Jesus can declare Himself and call out the crowd to follow Him as their promised King. Finally, He will establish His government and I will ascend into my rightful position. Victory is in sight!

I turned from my thoughts and looked at Jesus. He was looking back at me. Our eyes met. I smiled and nodded. He didn’t smile in return, but I didn’t notice. I would take care of this for Jesus. All was forgiven. Jesus hadn’t really meant to rebuke me, He was just getting my attention. It had worked. I was truly sorry I hadn’t realized it sooner. After all, it had been seven weeks since He raised Lazarus from the grave!

Finally, the One who stood before me will receive the honor that is due Him … and I, Judas, the man from insignificant little Kerioth, will make it happen!

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As a reminder, this is a fictional depiction of true events. The explanation i have given may not have been what was in Judas’s mind. But what we do know, he was blinded to truth – either by a reason like i have given, or by greed, or by expectations of what the religious leaders were going to give him or grant him. Regardless, Satan tempted him through selfish ambition – just as he does us, if we permit him to gain a foothold.

Parts of this story line are taken from the Gospels according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, however, certain fictional events or depictions of those events have been added.

This story is excerpted from my book The One Who Stood Before Us, a collection of forty short stories. The complete collection is available through Amazon in standard print, large print, for your e-reader. Click HERE for more information on how you can obtain your copy.

You can listen to an audio recording of this story by tuning into this week’s episode of my podcast by CLICKING HERE

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In multiple instances the dialogue in this story comes directly from Scripture. Whenever i am quoting Scripture, it has been italicized. All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

(1)  Luke 5:27

(2)  Matthew 10:3

(3)  Matthew 10:3

(4)  Matthew 10:4

(5)  John 11:43

(6)  John 12:5

(7)  Mark 14:9

 

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